The End of an Era

"You know it's been said that we just don't recognize the significant moments of our lives while they're happening. We grow complacent with ideas, or things or people and we take them for granted and it's usually not until that thing is about to be taken away from you that you've realized how wrong you've been that you realized how much you need it, how much you love it." 

Outbound's leaving tomorrow for London and it is most likely the end of a 5 year saga. I mean really, shouldn't I be depressed, sloppy outpouring emotions, moods that crack down like lightning in the desert? Nah... see the thing is, Outbound and I have been on the "outs" lately, and for the first time in 5 years, through many ugly, and I mean U-G-L-Y fights, this is the first time I couldn't care less that we arent repairing whatever's broke. 

It's like all of a sudden friendship is just this illusion I no longer have any interest in seeking out. Whereas before I was head over heels-goo-goo-gaga over the ideal friendship and attaining perfection within a friendship. Clearly, this is no longer the case.

So this post is just a farewell to an era. An era of good and bad, fights and love, spontaneity and pure boredom. To a friendship that most likely won't make it to the end of next weekend, but will remain important nevertheless. Here's to Outbound, may London bring her all that she's looking for.

What Would I Do Without You?

For a really long time the PostSecret picture below was my laptop background. You may have noticed I said was. That is because it has been replaced.For as long as I can remember, that picture symbolized my biggest fear in life: that I would be missed by no one, loved by no one and remembered by no one. Moreover, I worried that I hadn't made a big enough impact on my friends. To the point that moving on without me wouldn't be a big problem. I guess the past few weeks have really changed all that. My best friend, V, the person I rely on the most in this world, the person who understands me like no one else, puts up with me like no one else and makes me laugh and cry like no one else, left me to pursue her dreams at college. The night before V left, as I gave her that final hug goodbye it suddenly dawned on me that it wasn't really a goodbye. Her "absence" would be a testament to how strong our friendship really was. What better test is there than long distance? None. Either we keep in touch or we don't, there are no other options, no guarantees and certainly no apology that would repair what could potentially be lost. All the years of worrying about the outcome of our friendship, will it last? won't it last? come down to the next few months of us being apart, not the past six years of us being close by. It amazed me that I could have gotten this all wrong. For years, I had believed that actions speak louder than words, yet I had never practiced what I preached. Over the years, I would always beg and plead to know if V thought our friendship would make it, every fight I would ask and get a standardized answer, "yeah, of course, why not?". Those words always seemed hollow, understated, and insincere and now I finally know why! I needed the proof, the concereteness of the evidence to justify her statement. All I can say is this. Our friendship has never proved to be as strong as it is now. Seeing her attempts to make this work despite the 300 miles between us, makes me feel like the next few months won't be so bad, that our friendship will not only survive but strengthen in each other's absences. The facebook messages, the text messages and the msn conversations have yet to cease, and so our friendship remains strong as ever.As I bid farewell to the laptop background that haunted my fears and left me feeling weak and vulnerable, I surrender myself to the text message that made them vanish:

"Thx for being there for me I wouldn't be able to do all this without u ttyl."

And V?, I couldn't have gotten this far without you either. Good luck at EC, I'm rooting for you.