Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice

This is a home in St. Andrews, Boca Raton, Florida. Now, obviously this is a beautiful home. See the thing is, it doesn't even COMPARE to the one my aunt/uncle just built and this one is selling for several MILLION dollars!! Now I'm not usually fond of the ostentatious lifestyle but St. Andrews is an incredible place (click here) to see some pictures - we had dinner at the club house last night (yes 12 of us, walked in, without reservations and were promptly seated, with three personal waiters - water boy, dish removal and special requests). Now, that in and of itself should be pretty impressive, but the actual assortment of food at the buffet was impressive - three types of steak, lobster and a kids bar with chicken fingers, fries and hot dogs, an amazing salad bar, an ice cream bar and a desert bar that made my stomach hurt looking at it. But the very point that valet parked our cars, and our overly ugly and huge Crown Victoria didn't quite compare to three Bentley's, Rolls Royce and insane amounts of Mercedes, Lexuses and BMWs were just plain out of this world... Now I cant keep up with the lives of the rich and the famous, but really I wouldn't mind being my cousin for a few days. My aunt and uncle certainly know how to live large...either way I'm not jealous but that life is certainly nice for a few days, I could see how it gets supremely boring though... well that's Florida for me. M

Now this is interesting. The new macbook may have a million amazing features, a great design and a cool idea (being built from a single piece of aluminum as their video so aptly demonstrates) but they failed to do some serious inspections!! check out the keyboard - seriously f10, f10, f12? what the hell happened to f11? How do you even adjust the volume level from the keyboard? Seriously, for such a major company with such a huge launch, how could this have gone unnoticed?!

Now... this is ground breaking - a baby is born with a PENIS on his back. Yes, that's right - a PENIS. How incredible is that? Now, we have enough problems with guys being cocky with ONE such tool, imagine them with two? How does this even WORK!? haha I'm supremely confused. What kind of nick names can I think of? Back Prick? Flip Dick? Dick Flip? None that are actually good...moving on :)

Now... this is just plain funny.

I think the following PostSecret is self-explanatory and obviously directed.  Either way, when I saw this on PostSecret a while back, I felt my spidy senses tingle and knew I just had to  save it on my hard drive. So glad I did, because when I flipped through my favorite/saved PostSecrets, it popped up and made me smile. The connection, all these months later, is still very much profound.

Sticks, Stones and Stupid Ring Tones

Alright there's a lot on my mind these days because quite frankly I can't stand exam studying and I am willing to risk my mental health for any attempt to avoid my work... In other words, I scan my brain for all the jumbled pieces in order to avoid studying for an hour, pathetic? I know!

I'm officially OLD.

Lately I've been catching my self using phrases like "high school friend" or "cegep friend" or even "elementary school friend" or worse "childhood friend" sometimes I even catch myself saying "I've known you for HOOWWWW long now?"...  I mean really! I'm 19 years old. For no reason should I be feeling elderly. Next I'll be getting hip replacements, rocking out at my granddaughter's bat mitzvah with a cane or walker. That's how fast time is flying for me... and this has nothing to do with a "best years of your life" mentality... it's just time's been trenching on slowly, and somehow it's gone quite quick in an ironic way. I never thought I'd miss cetain people's presences, and now that I don't see them daily, it's just not the same. The familiarity of dragging myself into those high school halls, throwing my bag into my locker, slumping against the floor or stumbling around looking for a fairly interesting conversation that doesn't constitute lack of sleep, hunger-needs and inability to complete homework... I didn't appreciate those mornings nearly enough. Now... I walk into class, say hi to a friend or two, chit chat about exhaustion and how I'd much rather be catching flies or watching grass grow then be in that particular class, then the teacher arrives and I lose control over my brain. That's not exactly an exciting morning, now is it? Either way I've been getting that I'm getting old vibe, and I really am not fond of it.

The Cavendish Mall Fair

Now... I bet your wondering how this is even relevant to my life seeing as how I'm now 19 years old and certainly do not go to the fair anymore... Well... Maybe, THAT is my point. No... not really, it isn't actuaaaaaally! Alright my point is that I'm getting old :P I can now easily say that I remember defining moments of my childhood which brings me to the fair. I honestly remember being about 12 years old, end of grade 6, the fair came to Cavendish Mall like it always did in June and me being super excited because I loved all the devilish rides, the Kamikaze especially, that bottomless pit feeling in your stomach as your feet suddenly catapult over your head, there's very few feelings like that in the world. Or the Gravitron, where you were literally spinning so fast that gravity sucked you up against the wall and made you feel numb - every movement tooking extreme amounts of energy... those moments to me were just undeniably important. Anyways my childhood is just one of those things that I always reflect on with a bit of remorse... always wishing it had been different but still loving certain little aspects of it that I'd never change for the world... and that's what those bright lights at the fair against a dark black night's sky-like canvas do to me... they make me think, and god knows how good I am at doing that. 

Strawberry, Blueberry, Raspberry, Blackberry - All Things Berry

Sooo... I finally got the BlackBerry Curve after harassing my mother for the past 6 months (I seriously needed a constant internet connection like Michael Jackson needs another nose job). No really... it was all about the QWERTY keyboard that got my knickers all in a twist, plus the facebook, email, BBIM features that really made my heart skip several beats.. Anyways, it's funny, I thought back to an old PostSecret (that despite my best efforts I cant seem to relocate) that said something along the lines of: "I got a new phone but still no one calls me" and it got me to thinking about how true it is. I remember the first night I got my Berry... all I wanted was for it to ring with a call, vibrate with a text, anything so that I could relish my accomplishment... but it just didn't happen... or at least not anymore frequently than my old, boring, unexciting phone did, and it depressed me... I oh so badly wanted to suddenly be as popular as Paris Hilton. (No... I really didn't aspire to be Paris Hilton). Either way, I love my Berry.. but I just wish I had more friends :P

Hanging by Seven Years, Here With You

Alright... Weird title I know, but it makes sense, Je te promis. The story is that seven years ago my mom got her first car with a cd player.. Now I know that seems like craziness but it's actually true, they haven't been in cars for all that long. Either way, naturally, she bought her first cd. At the time, the one song my music-repulsant mother liked was Ricky Martin's She Bangs (embarassing... I know!)... well either way the rest of the cd looked pretty decent and over the next few months me and my dad fell in love with many of the songs. I even remember driving to plattsburgh for the day with my dad singing along to the cd. It truly is the best cd, even to this day the songs are my favorite of all time which leads me to the title. This was the cd that contained the song that changed my life forever. Lifehouse's Hanging By a Moment was a track on this decliciously random cd full of wonderful alternative rock hits that rocked my world. Now... most people change their favorite songs as often as their underwear. Take Em's blog for example :P. Not that that's a bad thing, but this song has consistently been my favorite song for the past SEVEN years. Now that's dedication and love.

The lyrics are just incredible. Truly, poetic in their own right.

Desperate for changing, starving for truth, I'm closer to where I started, chasing after you.

I'm falling even more in love with you, letting go of all I've held onto, I'm standing here until you make me move, I'm falling even more in love with you. 

Forgetting all I'm lacking, completely incomplete, I'll take your invitation, you take all of me. 

I'm living for the only thing I know, I'm running and not quite sure where to go, and I don't know what I'm diving into, just hanging by a moment here with you.

There's nothing else to lose, nothing else to find, there's nothing in this world, that could change my mind, there's nothing else. 

Now if those aren't lyrics of a saint then I dont know what lyrics are. Either way, at any given point in my life at least one, or all of those verses described an emotion I felt, something I was going through or just full-out spoke to me in a God talks to Moses through the burning bush kind of awe-inspiring, gut wrenching, heart-throbbing, pain-inflicting, flame-building, kind of way. Either way Lifehouse has changed my life... and I'm forever indebted to them for giving me the words to the feelings I didn't know I even had.

Scandalous Secrets and One Really Big Lie!!!

Clearly not a secret, I'm in love with PostSecret.. now it isn't an ordinary obsession - it's practically a way of life... as a member of the PostSecret Community (PSC), a tight knit community that for the most part, is supported by diehard PS fans like yours truly... Last Sunday's non-English secrets forced me to find explanations and translations in the PSC, like every other week, however, once I've ever enterred the PSC there's no turning back for several minutes and sometimes hours. Long story short, after reading a few typical threads I stumbled upon the "Text a Stranger Your Secret" thread, an idea that was started on the MySpace PS page several weeks back. I decided to participate and posted my cell phone number for the PSC to send me their secrets. An hour had passed by and Emily had joined me for our routine study sessions. 

About 20 minutes into our session my BlackBerry started doing its enerving vibrations against the hardwood dining room table. To my surprise and Emily's jealousy :P, I had received a secret: "He used me for about a year and i didn't mean anything to him, i can sense it. Now he just wants to be "friends" and i feel so broken.." I dont think I could possibly find the words to describe the excitement that rippled through my body as I read the word's that this girl poured into me through her Secretified Text Message. Naturally I responded and we had a few messages back and forth. I then received a second message from another PS fan: "I'm hardly ever sure that my girlfriend loves me anymore." After I replied, he also sent the following: "I've always had thoughts about other guys and am still too afraid of the opinions of others to really publicly admit it." This secret obviously ruffled my rainbow feathers and my heart went out to the poor boy whose stuck in a relationship with a girlfriend who doesn't love him and feelings for boys that he can't express. We spoke back and forth for a few minutes, helping each other with the secrets we each released into each other's inboxes... the feelings of relief overcoming me like wave after wave hitting the boardwalk... 

I received a third text message: "I told everyone I quit smoking but I didn't. I feel almost guilty enough to quit. Just not enough". I tried to help him realize that until he wanted it for himself, it would be more than an impossible challenge, he agreed and moved into the abyss of the real world. Now... these were the three PSCers whose lives intercollided with mine that fateful Sunday night... and I thought the joy of PS text messages would end but I was in for a real treat...

While sitting in my Research Methods class this morning I received a text message from Mr. Gay and Has a GF (as his cell number is so aptly listed in my BlackBerry). It read: "I really want to make a (somewhat vandalous) post secret wall in my school bathroom but i know none of the boys at my school would get it and respond." Naturally I told him that he should do it for the simple reason that he has no idea whose life he might touch by doing it. So 5 days later, I am still receiving wonderful secrets in my phone's inbox, and I'm LOVIIIIIN' IT like Mickey D's. 

Amidst all this I do have a confession to make. I, Lauren Shapiro, was deceitful and hilarious. Emily, in all her jealousy :P, listed her cell number on the same thread in the PSC in hopes of receiving some of her own scandalous secrets. After about 20 minutes of non-excitement (and after much prohibition of my doing homework-ness) I ran upstairs to my computer, and used Bell Mobility's online-to-cell texting service posing as a PSCer with a secret to release to only one special individual. You guessed it... I fabricated a phone number and a secret and sent it to Em. See... Emily doesn't know this, and I'm sure right now she is reading this and her red hair is turning brighter and more red with smoke flaring from her nostrils (hahahah pause for funny visual)... but really, it was for the sake of my education. I NEEEEEEDED to study and Em, you really just wouldn't shut up. I love you though and I meant no harm. (Perhaps that's why you never received a reply?)

Anyways, glad to get that off my chest. :). 

514-923-8052 is the number to send any secrets to (and Em - no hate messages, please?!)

A Little Bit of This and a Little Bit of That

So it's another wonderful PostSecret Sunday!!!! Another secret obviously amazed me today because it hit close to home:

Brilliant? I know. Way to go mom and dad.

This kind of brings me back to a blogpost I DIDNT make about my fight with Big Momma earlier this week. Basically, Big Poppa was an asshole and I called him out on it, and then Hot Shot yelled at Big Momma for no reason and made her cry. Anywhooo... I basically bullied her into talking about her feelings and bitched about how 19 years later she's still totally incapable of communicating... and furthermore, that because of her inability to express herself to me, that she didn't deserve a chance to come into the Psych Warden's office to "therapize". Anyhow we managed to have a 45 minute talk/semi-screaming match. I guess I'm on my way to that fresh start I've fantasized about! New outlook is working, woo hoo!

So Ryan has 218 hits as of this second on his video. Thanks to all the people who went to the link :). Uncle Steven thinks he can get 100 000 hits and then Ry will be on Jay Leno. He even offered to make sure that I got on the show. ha! as if!

So... I spoke to Lex today! I havent spoken to that cutie in a loooong time, anyways, her marks are still high in school and she's excited for us to be coming down in a few weeks :) I'm so not excited for anything other than to enjoy the warm weather and see my cousins :D everything else is going to be hellish. I mean really? The Adam's family in a <2000 condo =" death.">

Another Florida issue - the Concordia tentative exam schedule states that my Research Methods exam is Friday, December 19th at 7 until 10 pm. Shit sucks cause I've got plane tickets to Florida that day leaving at 4:45 pm. what to do what to do!?!?!

So my soccer girls didn't show up today, piled on top of Emerson's gross incompetence, can we say, Lauren's supa-pissed? I think so!!!! It looks like we'll be defaulting the season. Sexy!

Needless to say, V is coming home in a few hours and I couldn't be more excited. I miss her face more than anything else in this world. I'm SO incredibly happy to see her AHHHH words don't express this feeling. It's been nearly a month! I'm dying!

Peace and Love. Peace and Love.

The Beginning

Okay so it's Sunday which means PostSecret is officially updated with this week's secrets. Basically, it's my favorite day of the week. Anyhow, today a secret really touched me and I'm going to take it as a sign to really get motivated and do everything I've been talking about doing/starting, especially the tough stuff from therapy. So here it goes, wish me luck!

What Would I Do Without You?

For a really long time the PostSecret picture below was my laptop background. You may have noticed I said was. That is because it has been replaced.For as long as I can remember, that picture symbolized my biggest fear in life: that I would be missed by no one, loved by no one and remembered by no one. Moreover, I worried that I hadn't made a big enough impact on my friends. To the point that moving on without me wouldn't be a big problem. I guess the past few weeks have really changed all that. My best friend, V, the person I rely on the most in this world, the person who understands me like no one else, puts up with me like no one else and makes me laugh and cry like no one else, left me to pursue her dreams at college. The night before V left, as I gave her that final hug goodbye it suddenly dawned on me that it wasn't really a goodbye. Her "absence" would be a testament to how strong our friendship really was. What better test is there than long distance? None. Either we keep in touch or we don't, there are no other options, no guarantees and certainly no apology that would repair what could potentially be lost. All the years of worrying about the outcome of our friendship, will it last? won't it last? come down to the next few months of us being apart, not the past six years of us being close by. It amazed me that I could have gotten this all wrong. For years, I had believed that actions speak louder than words, yet I had never practiced what I preached. Over the years, I would always beg and plead to know if V thought our friendship would make it, every fight I would ask and get a standardized answer, "yeah, of course, why not?". Those words always seemed hollow, understated, and insincere and now I finally know why! I needed the proof, the concereteness of the evidence to justify her statement. All I can say is this. Our friendship has never proved to be as strong as it is now. Seeing her attempts to make this work despite the 300 miles between us, makes me feel like the next few months won't be so bad, that our friendship will not only survive but strengthen in each other's absences. The facebook messages, the text messages and the msn conversations have yet to cease, and so our friendship remains strong as ever.As I bid farewell to the laptop background that haunted my fears and left me feeling weak and vulnerable, I surrender myself to the text message that made them vanish:

"Thx for being there for me I wouldn't be able to do all this without u ttyl."

And V?, I couldn't have gotten this far without you either. Good luck at EC, I'm rooting for you.