New Year's Resolutions

1. Take life as it is, let be and stop fighting the flow.
2. Actually put effort into school and become the A student I am.
3. Take advantage of my savings account.
4. Become a better version of myself - physically, mentally and emotionally.
5. Do something that matters.

As the New Year approached I took advantage of the notion that 2008 would be put to rest and 2009 would be something new, fresh and worthy of change. Despite poor reception and an inability to communicate via telephone I managed to have a conversation I've been meaning and needing to have with the one person whose conversations matter to me. In spite of a 5 hour time difference, an ocean, participation in a scrabble game and guests over I had a conversation I will never forget.

I made my point, well argued, well said, emotion counterbalanced with clarity, logic and reason without instigating a fight. Point made, taken and respected. Answered fully, to the point and positively. It went fantastically, I had a great feeling about 2009, and I was right.

We agreed that things could be smoother, that change was necessary and would be beneficial, most importantly, together it would be done. I've waited so long for that understanding, the mutual acceptance and responsibility to be allocated to both parties. It felt good. Really, truly great.

I have to stop feeling like an immovable object is meeting an unstoppable force, friendship runs deep and can't be quantified, measured or analyzed. It needs to be and this realization spurred my first new year's resolution. I need to take that stance in more aspects of my life.

My second resolution roots in the fact that I've gotten 2/3 marks back, with no intention of bragging (not that my marks are fabulous) I've received a B+ in Stats I and an A- in Social Psych. I'm basically averaging between a 77-84, which by all means are pretty decent university grades, however the odds are stacked against me and I must excel in order to succeed. Over 2000 students in psych, 300 of which will be accepted to the graduate program of which only FIFTEEN, yes 15, make it into the clinical psychology field. Pretty scary odds and I need to be one of them. So I've got to drop the bullshit, pick up a textbook and get going. So here's to being an A student, cause 85-90 shouldn't be the impossible.

My third resolution is quite self-explanatory, I'm a big spender. On what? no friggin clue. Anyways I have every intention of traveling this summer and that means I need to have some spending money, ironic, I know. In the interim I must make a conscious and strong effort to save as much as possible. I've had a savings account for a while now and I've never put it to good use. Here's the perfect opportunity.

My fourth resolution might as well be an entire blogpost of its own but for the sake of not beating a dead dog, its been quite obvious that my life has been rather BLAH lately. In hopes of spicing it up and enjoying the so-called "best years of my life" I will make an effort to improve me. Physically - I need to get into shape, round is not a good shape. Mentally - figure out my neuroses and a way to get past them. Emotionally - perhaps kindle a flame or at least deal with my roller coasters.

My fifth resolution will in fact be saved for a future blogpost because I am obviously still unsure of what I will do in the next 364 days that will constitute making a difference. But be sure that when I do something of great importance, it will be well-documented.

Here's to 2009 - May it be all that I've dreamed it could be.

New Year - New Philosophy

So as I'm preparing the condo to ring in the New Year with friends and family who happen to be nearby, I've decided that I won't analyze like I had previously decided to do. I'm just going to live life... take it as it comes, one day at a time, no slower or faster. I need to stop analyzing and thinking too much. Up until now, living in my head has been an up and down roller coaster not necessarily leaning towards for better or worse. Perhaps, life isn't meant to be figured out in one afternoon stroll on the beach.

So here's to the new year: may life come too fast, too slow, and at the right time. May it be filled with lots of learning experiences, great memories and much to reflect on.

This is the start of something good... I feel it.

How Do I Measure a Year in the Life

I assumed I'd be a better blogger this week due to the insane amounts of free time I'd have, but instead I've actually been pretty busy.. which is nice in some ways and not so good in others. Keeping busy usually means my mind is off its one track and allows me to be a pretty normal person. That's obviously the good... the bad though is that I'm keeping busy with family, and it's always a false sense of security because the second shoe is always about to drop an explosive bomb when it comes to my family. There's always, without fail, some major blow out about eating - food, dinner, where, when and time. There's always a fight about who sleeping arrangements - with who, what bed, in which house. There's always an argument about someone' decision - should the 8 month old baby go or not go to the Dominican Republic because of the non-purified water. Everything turns into a fight and everyone has to give an opinion or get completely involved. It's absolutely mindboggling. So no kidding I'm not thinking about my own shtick, I've got 24 other people's shtick all up in my face.

And being who I am... everyone else comes before me. Everyone else's problems are more worthy than my own. Everyone else's drama must come before mine. That way... I can distract myself from my own drama, my own BS, my own problems... by focusing on theirs. It's a great strategy I've used for years now. Unfortunately though, it doesn't exactly come with great benefit to me. It doesn't in any way help in the long run.

Lately I've been thinking about RENT. Unlike 50% of the American population, I'm not worried about how to pay it, how to make it, or how to even get a place to rent. I'm talking about the play/movie and the one song that always made me really THINK. That song, naturally, being "Seasons of Love". Namely the lyric "how do you measure a year in the life?" There's always been something in that question that's seemed so powerful, so inspiring, so thought-provoking...I've never taken the time to figure it out but that's pretty much my Pre-New Years Goal. I want to measure my last year. Especially Jan-August in comparison to September-December, I know that there's an uneven balance in that, but that's when my life changed and seemingly went downhill with slight upturns, so I need to figure out how to improve on it. More importantly, I ~WANT~ to improve on it. Especially since Psych Warden asked me to make a list of things I want to improve and work on for the next little bit in the Ward. So hard.

I've officially got:

Anyways, I'll get on with that. In the meantime I found this video and thought it was pretty amazing, powerful and thought-provoking. ENJOY.