GENIUS!

Okay so I've stumbled upon the most GENIUS! website ever. It's called musicovery and enables you to explore your own music tastes by personalizing a playlist to your moods and music preferences! I know. I know. too good to be true, but it's actually awesome!

I'm currently in a R&B/Rock Calm/Dark mood and it's totally making me feel better. I'm almost tempted to move towards energetic/positive and pop/rap!

Check it out! click HERE you kinda need to create an account, its free, painless and takes .02 seconds and it lets you choose which songs to go on your playlist in the future and which are total nixes and deserve to be erased! how awesome. i know.

Now go play kiddies!

Thanks To All My People, You Know Who You Are!

Long car rides tend to get me thinking, 5 hours each way to Boston back and forth, was more than plenty of time for the mechanics in my brain to get the machines all fired up. A song I listened to tonight struck a chord inside:

I used to think that I could not go on

And life was nothing but an awful song

But now I know the meaning of true love

I'm leaning on the everlasting arms

See I was on the verge of breaking down

Some times silence can seem so loud

There are miracles in life I must achieve

But first I know it starts inside of me

For so many years, I felt alone, lost and confused. Friends seemed to come and go like my daily change of underwear, forcing me to constantly re-evaluate my ideals, my beliefs, my expectations. I always wondered if it was me, what did I do wrong? Was it some odd personality thing that pushed people away? What was it about me that was so friend-repulsant? That was all until I found friendship, in the most unlikely of people, in the most unlikely of places, under the most unlikely of circumstances. 

That's when I began to feel loved, to feel accepted, to feel wanted, to feel important, to feel like I mattered to someone, somewhere, in some place. There's really no feeling in the world, like feeling that you make a difference to someone, that by simply existing, you make someone's world a little brighter, a little more special, a little more worth living. And finally, I had found the people that did that for me. 

I was so set for so long on the idea that it was me who was at fault that I felt alone, so utterly alone, like a piercing silence that screams at you like a tornado slicing a house apart. A silence, so unbearably loud, that it yelled in your face with nasty breath every chance it could get. It was brutal and I'm honestly so glad to say it's been over since then, without a chance of returning. 

Now that I'm older, more confident in who I am, set in my ways and more sure than myself than is probably acceptable, I no longer worry about being alone in this world, I know that I can make new friends, try and improve on the old relationships and work hard to cultivate new ones. It's up to me to take a stand on my own life, not anyone else, that's a lesson I learned the hard way, but one that I'm nevertheless glad I learned in good time.

So here's a thank you to my friends, the one's who keep me sane, smiling and complete. You all know who you are.

99 Problems, But A Bitch Ain't One

1.     Best friend number 1 left me to go to school in Boston and I can’t live without her.

2.     Best friend number 2 left me to go to school in London and I have no one to talk to.

3.     My passport expires soon and the pressure of getting a new picture is unbearable.

4.     The amount of reading I have to do each week for school is getting out of control.

5.     I can never find my spare set of car keys when I bury my main set under a bunch of papers.

6.     My desk never stays clean, no matter how long I spend cleaning it.

7.     No matter how many times I shorten my pants, I never like the length of them.

8.     No matter how hard I try, I can’t find a perfect fitting t-shirt.

9.     My hair is never perfectly straight.

10.  I always kill jokes.

11.  My sister drives me insane.

12.  I need to clean my room and I have no time.

13.  I have a Nike Low Dunk obsession that I can’t kick.

14.  I have a spending problem that I just can’t curb.

15.  I have bad eating habits that I can’t control.

16.  I watch so much TV that I don’t have enough time for schoolwork

17.  I am lonely sometimes.

18.  I am supremely bored with life.

19.  I have too many credit card bills to pay.

20.  I like junk food.

21.  I love my cats too much.

22.  I don’t care about my appearance.

23.  I over-commit myself.

24.  I love driving at the sacrifice of gas prices.

25.  I often feel unloved.

26.  I have undiagnosed asthma and I’m just too lazy to get tested.

27.  I have chronic pain in my legs.

28.  Messes don’t bother me, but I like being clean.

29.  I both love and hate my job simultaneously.

30.  I sometimes despise certain friends.

31.  I can’t handle the thoughts inside my own head.

32.  I get too hyper.

33.  I don’t always smile enough.

34.  I wish I had a creative talent.

35.  I wish I didn’t run out of energy so quickly.

36.  I miss the good parts of my childhood.

37.  I hate my program.

38.  I feel the need to keep up with technology.

39.  I buy unnecessary things.

40.  I am compulsive to no end.

41.  I overreact.

42.  I over-invest myself for the sake of appearance.

43.  I like reading but I never have time.

44.  My sweet tooth often gets the best of me.

45.  I need to be more accepting of who I am.

46.  I need to become something more in life than an average nobody.

47.  I’m a computer nerd.

48.  I’m always over exhausted.

49.  I love sleep but I rarely get enough of it.

50.  I love the sound of beaches but I hate sand between my toes.

51.  I like showering but I hate being wet afterwards.

52.  I love art but I can’t afford any of it on my own.

53.  I need to move out but I can’t afford it.

54.  I want to travel and see the world but I can’t afford it.

55.  I want to move but I don’t know where to go.

56.  I’m finally happy, but now I’m just bored with life.

57.  I like getting good grades, but I hate putting in the work.

58.  I am extremely lazy.

59.  I bite off more than I can chew.

60.  I overeat.

61.  I like buying other people presents too often.

62.  I have a major greeting card purchasing problem.

63.  I am too sensitive.

64.  I am overly emotional about unemotional things.

65.  I care too much.

66.  I am an eternal optimist.

67.  I like the smell of a burnt out match and may potentially burn my house down.

68.  I wish I was really great at something.

69.  I want to be a better athlete.

70.  I want to be appreciated and loved.

71.  It doesn’t seem as if life is working out the way I planned.

72.  I need a better life plan.

73.  Clothes don’t fit me nicely.

74.  I miss my best friend.

75.  I want life to improve.

76.  I need to get over things more quickly and stop dwelling on the past.

77.  I need to move forward with my life.

78.  I need to find ways to channel my feelings.

79.  I want to make a change in this world.

80.  I wish I was more charitable.

81.  I expect too much.

82.  I often have a reality over-sight.

83.  I make too many mistakes.

84.  I wish I could fix my past.

85.  I want to be more important.

86.  I give in too easily.

87.  I need to forgive myself for all the hurt I’ve caused.

88.  I need to stop being so last minute.

89.  I need better lighting in my room.

90.  I have attachment problems.

91.  I invest too much of myself into my friendships.

92.  I stay up to ridiculous hours at the sacrifice of sleep, for no apparent reason

93.  I am obsessed with pictures.

94.  I am technology freak.

95.  I like stupid t-shirts.

96.  I have work tomorrow and a hockey game to go to.

97.  I’d do anything for my friends.

98.  I love writing, but I can’t keep a diary.

99.  I wish my life were a little more exciting.

 

I’ve got 99 problems but a bitch ain’t one. I guess sometimes I wish a girl would be one of my problems.