CHASE COMMUNITY GIVING PLEASE HELP!

A few clicks will help @TWLOHA win $1 Million for suicide prevention. Please share this with others. Vote here:http://bit.ly/7si7Be

Heavy and Light TWLOHA Tour

Wish I was in Orlando on Jan 9th 2010 for the Heavy and Light tour!
If you're around... CHECK IT OUT: http://www.ticketmaster.com/event/22004378C30631F2

LONG TIME NO SEE!

So here's the deal... I've stopped blogging due to time constraints, lack of committment, etc. Except that I've joined TWLOHA's fancorps and one of their 'orders' is to write a blog about suicide prevention. As most of you know, I'm a huge TWLOHA fan and I've even signed up for the IM Alive Beta Testing program... (I really hope I'm accepted!). I've also just received my 2nd TWLOHA order of clothing/stickers/pins and I'm psyched to wear them/put then on everything I own!

I've also joined the TWLOHA cause on facebook + have been using www.socialvibe.com to support TWLOHA. I urge everyone to do the same! (free and super easy to help!).

Back to the post that I should be writing about:

Although National Suicide Prevention Week is September 6-12, it's obviously a very important subject to discuss. Especially in light of the current economic crisis and the numerous stories of individuals attempting to taking their life due to the unfortunate, unforseeable and highly volatile nature of the stock market.

Here are some facts you should know about suicide (from the World Health Organization:

• Every year, almost one million people die from suicide; a "global" mortality rate of 16 per 100,000, or one death every 40 seconds.
• In the last 45 years suicide rates have increased by 60% worldwide. Suicide is among the three leading causes of death among those aged 15-44 years in some countries, and the second leading cause of death in the 10-24 years age group; these figures do not include suicide attempts which are up to 20 times more frequent than completed suicide.
• Suicide worldwide is estimated to represent 1.8% of the total global burden of disease in 1998, and 2.4% in countries with market and former socialist economies in 2020.
• Although traditionally suicide rates have been highest among the male elderly, rates among young people have been increasing to such an extent that they are now the group at highest risk in a third of countries, in both developed and developing countries.
• Mental disorders (particularly depression and alcohol use disorders) are a major risk factor for suicide in Europe and North America; however, in Asian countries impulsiveness plays an important role. Suicide is complex with psychological, social, biological, cultural and environmental factors involved.

Organization's like TWLOHA make a tremendous difference in assisting individuals deal with their suicide attempts and persuade people to seek alternative courses in dealing with life's stresses. While other organization's due exist, I believe that TWLOHA is the most successful in dealing with the a multitude of issues in a positive and uncondescending way.

Please help me and TWLOHA in our fight to remind people that they are "ALIVE" because "we're on [their] side!"

Sleep, the lack there of.

So my life's been pretty dull except for the endless chaos that I call school... I haven't been getting much sleep to the point that my immune system couldn't even fight off the common cold... Leaving me annoyingly congested and runny for the first THREE days of sunny florida.

It was hard not to kiss J.B. Boy is that kid a stunner but I thankfully improved with 2 litres of oj, sinex with vicks and a half bottle advil cold and sinus.

I spent two days at the palace relishing in auntie Cs amazing hospitality... There really is nothing more beautiful than that house. 6 jets in one shower is truly undescribable! Plus a mini chocolate on my pillow - might as well have been a hotel.

Grandma finally warmed out, that camera I helped her pick out in january has gotten over 250 pictures of use - who wouldve guessed?

Schools a bitch and I'm hanging on by a thread...I hope I can hang in there long enough to boost my grades to secure my spot in honors... 15/2100 slim odds but I might as well at least try...

Farewell for now but not forever - this is a mini update on mylife... And not the f*** type.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

BooHoo

Exam in 4 hours, flight to Florida in 10.5 hours.
I can't wait for the exam to be over so that I can sleep!
I will from now on, make a conscious effort to post again.

Back in Black

So my life crashed around me the last two weeks and I was FINE!!

I've learned a lot, made my peace, realized my mistakes and I'm striving to be a better person. I bitch and complain a lot. way more than any normal person yet I'm optimistic. It's a crazy, fluctuating roller coaster, but it's MY life and I've decided it's time to get a grip.

Enough of my juvenile bullshit, it's time to take hold of the person I am and turn myself into the person I WANT to be. Who I am now is certainly not good enough and I've been called out on my shit far too many times to ignore.

So here I am, for the first time, truly admitting to myself and a public audience that consists of more people than my therapist and the people I've hurt. I'm serious this time and I'm going to prove myself.

Let Me By Myself

3 Doors Down has always been one of my favorite bands. Their lyrics have always inexplicably paralleled my life, leaving me feeling reassured that someone else (or a group of someone else's) identifies with me and my feelings. Their latest hit Let Me Be Myself is the epitome of what I have been feeling lately.

I tried to kill the pain,
But nothing ever helps,
I left myself behind,
Somewhere along the way,
Hoping to come back around to find myself someday.

Their introductory verse hits me hard and center. I've had these weird feelings lately, whereas I'm usually so sure of myself; what I want, need and wish for, lately, I've been uneasy and insecure. I've felt lost and confused and unstable. Feelings I've NEVER truly felt for longer than a few hours. It rocked me a bit, and I'll be honest and say I'm not entirely sure I've re-stabilized.

This song really explains the words I haven't been able to convey. I've given up a large part of myself by living a life I didn't want, a life I threw myself into without thinking it through. I made friends with a lot of people I shouldn't have, wasted my time caring about people who didn't care about me. I did things I would never have done otherwise. I made my mistakes, they weakened me, the person I should have been. From then on, my life has been intensively harder for no apparent reason. My core was shaken, displaced and I was left in unknown territory, expected to make do. Thankfully I have made do.

That all seems fine and wondrous, so what's the problem? I constantly question whether my current life is only the best I can achieve because I messed up or is this the best of what I was meant to experience? I don't understand why, when and how I got here and whether this is where I should truly be. Did I leave myself behind, somewhere along the way, hoping to come around and find myself someday?

11 Years Later

When I was a little kid I used to ~LOVE~ flying home because we'd get off the plane, get through customs, get our luggage and walk out into the arrival area and my grandpa would be standing there waving. I'd run up to him give him a big hug, get my kiss and he'd drive us home. It was always my absolute FAVORITE part of any trip.

When I was 8, and in grade 2, my grandfather had a heart attack in his sleep. I never had the chance to say goodbye and I've recently made my peace with losing my one and only grandpa. Along with his passing, our airport pick-ups became nonexistent. To this day every time I walk through those doors to the arrival area there's a slight pang of loneliness and longing for my grandpa.

Over the years I've returned to Trudeau airport only to have my parents waiting in the car just outside, no friendly faces in the swarming crowds of the arrival area. To be honest, I'm always a little disappointed, there's this huge loving feeling that just happens when there's someone, any friendly face waiting for you after a plane ride home.

This year was different... Sis and I got off the plane, ran through customs, got our bags and made it through the doors... The usual pang of longing for grandpa crept over me, as I momentarily mourned the man I loved so wholeheartedly... It was short lived however because I immediately saw a face in the crowd, a familiar face, a friend. Emily was there, although not on my behalf, it still felt nice to have a warm homecoming. So thanks Em, I've waited for that moment for 11 years.

Attempting the Impossible

On our way home from dinner at my aunts we decided that we wanted some ice cream at 1130 pm. We decided mcdonald's was the logical place to go at that hour and I google mapped the nearest locale on my blackberry... We pull up and my parents decide they want to go INTO mcdonalds, needless to say only drive thru was open so we proceeded to the speakerphone-majig... No one was there... So we drive up to the window and the girl is on speakerphone with someone else explaining that the particular menu item they requested isn't made at that hour... She didn't even acknowledge our presence during this 2 minute exchange...finally she takes our ice cream order at which point she told us there was no icecream, shakes, etc since this afternoon..

Annoyed we proceeded to the next mdonalds... We pull up to the drive thru order our icecream and would ya guess? No ice cream-broken machine! Seriously?

On our way home we finally go to a wendys where I get my damn ice cream.

It just felt like a whole damn hooplah for so little ice cream!!
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

New Year's Resolutions

1. Take life as it is, let be and stop fighting the flow.
2. Actually put effort into school and become the A student I am.
3. Take advantage of my savings account.
4. Become a better version of myself - physically, mentally and emotionally.
5. Do something that matters.

As the New Year approached I took advantage of the notion that 2008 would be put to rest and 2009 would be something new, fresh and worthy of change. Despite poor reception and an inability to communicate via telephone I managed to have a conversation I've been meaning and needing to have with the one person whose conversations matter to me. In spite of a 5 hour time difference, an ocean, participation in a scrabble game and guests over I had a conversation I will never forget.

I made my point, well argued, well said, emotion counterbalanced with clarity, logic and reason without instigating a fight. Point made, taken and respected. Answered fully, to the point and positively. It went fantastically, I had a great feeling about 2009, and I was right.

We agreed that things could be smoother, that change was necessary and would be beneficial, most importantly, together it would be done. I've waited so long for that understanding, the mutual acceptance and responsibility to be allocated to both parties. It felt good. Really, truly great.

I have to stop feeling like an immovable object is meeting an unstoppable force, friendship runs deep and can't be quantified, measured or analyzed. It needs to be and this realization spurred my first new year's resolution. I need to take that stance in more aspects of my life.

My second resolution roots in the fact that I've gotten 2/3 marks back, with no intention of bragging (not that my marks are fabulous) I've received a B+ in Stats I and an A- in Social Psych. I'm basically averaging between a 77-84, which by all means are pretty decent university grades, however the odds are stacked against me and I must excel in order to succeed. Over 2000 students in psych, 300 of which will be accepted to the graduate program of which only FIFTEEN, yes 15, make it into the clinical psychology field. Pretty scary odds and I need to be one of them. So I've got to drop the bullshit, pick up a textbook and get going. So here's to being an A student, cause 85-90 shouldn't be the impossible.

My third resolution is quite self-explanatory, I'm a big spender. On what? no friggin clue. Anyways I have every intention of traveling this summer and that means I need to have some spending money, ironic, I know. In the interim I must make a conscious and strong effort to save as much as possible. I've had a savings account for a while now and I've never put it to good use. Here's the perfect opportunity.

My fourth resolution might as well be an entire blogpost of its own but for the sake of not beating a dead dog, its been quite obvious that my life has been rather BLAH lately. In hopes of spicing it up and enjoying the so-called "best years of my life" I will make an effort to improve me. Physically - I need to get into shape, round is not a good shape. Mentally - figure out my neuroses and a way to get past them. Emotionally - perhaps kindle a flame or at least deal with my roller coasters.

My fifth resolution will in fact be saved for a future blogpost because I am obviously still unsure of what I will do in the next 364 days that will constitute making a difference. But be sure that when I do something of great importance, it will be well-documented.

Here's to 2009 - May it be all that I've dreamed it could be.