My One and Only

Cause nobody wants to be the last one there

Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares

Someone to love with my life in their hands

There's gotta be somebody for me like that

'Cause nobody wants to go it on their own

And everyone wants to know they're not alone

There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere

There's gotta be somebody for me out there.

- Nickelback - Gotta Be Somebody

Alright... so you're probably thinking this is going to be a boring post about how I wish I had a girlfriend or something, but you're  WRONG, muahaha epic fail for you.

Really... I've always believed the Canadian rock band Nickelback has seriously been underrated for years! I've loved them for a couple cds now and they never fail to come out with at least one decent top 40 chart song that I never get bored of. 

The powerful lyrics, packaged nicely with a strong rock beat that is soothing enough to impact everyone is what gets me each and every time. 

These lyrics, however, strike a rather atypical chord this time around (obviously they hit home, and HARD like a concrete wall, hard) but that's not what I'm talking about.

These lyrics remind me of my grandma, (for those who dont know, my only living grandparent and my maternal grandmother at that). Now for those of you who dont know Grandma Helen, as she is affectionately referred to in our family, she is by far the most sinister, cynical, negative, pessimistic, hilarious and sarcastic individual you have EVER met. This combination however makes her so undeniably lovable and hilarious that I often find myself in awe of how she hasn't been gunned down like Fitty. 

Honestly though, my grams has serious reason to be the way she is. Growing up on a successful farm in New Brunswick, can you say BOOORING? Her family moved to Montreal, where my great grandfather did something real estate related and was fairly successful. Along the lines she met my grandfather who had a successful job that apparently had no ceiling effect because he just kept cashing in. She then gave birth to 4 children, my aunt Carla who was a miserable child and hated everyone and everything unless it was ugly - she loved ugliness lol - go figure, she's supa classy now though, so it all worked out. My aunt Bernette Jane Krane - the ultimate spaz, how could she not be with a rhyming name? We call her Bonnie to make her feel better - or I call her Aunt B, for Aunt Bitch, can't stand the fucker. Then there's my mom, and my Uncle Steven, who if you don't know about Stevie then you haven't quite laughed hard enough to pee your pants. He is possibly the most ridiculous person you've EVER met. All about jokes and games, he happens to be a brilliant entrepreneur and company start-up, he's gotta crazy ADHD which is pretty much why he just does the start-up, follow through on anything but a joke, is not for him.

Anyways, that all sounds fine and dandy, which it is, except that my super successful grandfather died of Cancer about 23 years ago, leaving my grandmother utterly alone in this pretty depressing world... She obviously loved my grandfather very much cause she only dated one other person, who by the way had a heart attack during their date, and she then resolved to never dating ever, ever, ever again. And has stuck to that since. She's been alone for 23 years now.

Now my grandmother is a remarkable woman. She raised four children who love her to the ends of the world and back. She has 8 biological grandchildren, 1 step-grandchild, and 1 grandchildren-in law, 1 step-grandchild-in lawas well as 1 biological great grandchild and 1 step-great grandchild who all love her dearly and would do just about anything in the world for her.

When Aunt B divorced Husband #1, grandma took in her daughter, my cousin, Jennifer and raised her for 3 years. If that isn't love, I dont know what is.

My grandmother is a determined, stubborn and compassionate person. She volunteered at the Golden Age for nearly 15 years, golf was her passion until the back pain set in.

Everything my grandmother loves has been taken away from her except her children and their children and their children. Her husband, her love of golf, her love of sculpting, her love of volunteering, even her health (diabetic, lactose intolerant, high blood pressure, cataracts, arthritis, etc.) Yet, somehow, every day she wakes up and manages to get through life. Pessimism, cynicism, and negativity aside, my grandmother is amazing and I love her for every part of it. 

As hard as it would have been to accept, I sometimes wish that she had found someone to be by her side for the past 23 years of her life. It must have been awfully lonely for her and I'm pained each day when I think of how difficult life must be to wake up, live each day, and go to bed utterly alone.

It's heart warming to know that my grandmother loved my grandfather so much that she was willing to give up the better years of her life alone as a testament of her true love... it just breaks my heart knowing that she was probably miserable because of it.

I guess it explains why I've tried my absolute best to be there for her, to remind her how much she's loved and cherished by her family and to ensure that a day doesnt go by that she feels so alone. 

So thank you Nickelback for putting into words the way I feel for my grandmother, until now I've never been able to capture them so perfectly.