I Am The Music

Pink once sung "if God is a DJ, life is a dance floor, love is a river, you are the music" here is my attempt at proving it's true. I know at times I pretend I'm dumb as a doorknob, purposefully downplaying my intelligence just so that I could have a few moments of unobliterated mental silence, or better yet unfiltered, happy thoughts instead of the usual deafening loud, profound ones that sadden me during their course of scratching at my attention.

However, over the years I've discovered that there are healthy and often, easy ways of systematically shelving my most inner thoughts without the constant pain and aggravation of having a thought surgically seared into my brain to pick apart and agonize over for all of eternity. This so-called "systematic" plan is music or rather paralleling my life to lyrics that speak to me.

Now I know it's entirely clichéd to argue that "oh oh music has saved my life" even to the point that Much Music had a TV show entitled the very same cliché just a few short years ago to further downplay the possible importance of it all. But it's entirely true. I listen to the lyrics, let them scour the landscape of my inner fissures until they stumble upon a parallel experience, thought or fear in my life and instantaneously the song becomes powerful to me for it helps me deal with the issues that are bothering me most. Now this thought isn't a novel idea, and yes, it has surely crossed the minds of millions of other people. However, in context of my life; the issues I deal with, the experiences that integrate and fuse together to create me, are all deeply impacted each time I hear one of the songs that touches the most inner fibers of my being.

Allow me to demonstrate (please note that the following songs are in no systematic order, are from a series of different genres, impact me in several different ways, and are bound by the only tie that I listened to each of them today while studying for Statistics.)

1. Alexisonfire – Accidents:
   
2. Five for Fighting – Superman
   
3. Joan Osborne – What if God Was One of Us
   
4. Tracy Chapman – Fast Car
   
5. LostProphets – Last Train Home
   

 

Alexisonfire is one of those screamo type bands that require you to take a bucket-full of Advil, Tylenol and Xanax prior to listening to their tunes. On most days, however, I can tolerate their screaming based upon my own general feelings of being just plain pissed off at the world, meanwhile Accidents, this one particular song happens to hit home in a number of ways.

I'm not sure what's worse:
The waiting or the waiting room
"You're next sir" becomes a cruel taunt to you
recycled air, the smell of sleep and disinfectant
Your god is a two door elevator.

Do they even cure you?
(Cut me open, drug me)
Or is it just to humor us before we die?
(Repair all my defects)
If Only we could heal ourselves.
We wouldn't need to be hooked up to these machines

Every verse or series of lyrics in "Accidents" speaks to me differently. For instance, the entire last verse reminds me of going to therapy. Not in a bad way. Just in the sense that I'm always left wondering if therapy is the only answer, does it even work (do they even cure you?), forcing me to be introspective (cut me open), drug me (find a solution, figure it all out, even the therapy itself acts like a drug). The line or is it just to humor us before we die causes me to question the effectiveness of therapy, is it a way of patching things up before I go off the deep end? Repair all my defects is clearly a request for the therapy to work, to make me whole, less confused, less damaged. (I guess I do in fact see myself as damaged once in a while). The line if only we could heal ourselves relates to the idea that I wish I could do it on my own, not need therapy, not need anyone else, or in fact just to be stable enough, period. Being hooked up to these machines is a link to being "hooked" or dependent on my therapy.

The first verse has always spoken to me on a more typically-human level. In the sense that it's a universal feeling: what's worse, waiting for the world to change or watching how it's not changing? The idea that at any point it could be us, "you're next sir" becomes a cruel taunt to you, exemplifies the notion that we are all equally likely of being targets of life's cruel circumstances. The line: "recycled air, the smell of sleep and disinfectant" further add to the idea that the world we live in is an imperfect place, recycled air – old ideas that haven't quite worked, the smell of sleep – the laziness of the human race, and disinfectant – our seemingly-useless life patches that have yet to fix anything but our self-esteem and egos. The line: "your god is a two door elevator" reminds me that all higher powers, or rather, anything in life can go two ways – up or down, bring us joy or bring us much pain and sadness and that's all we can rely on, look towards, the hope that whatever it is will turn out for the better and bring us upwards instead of downwards.

 

Five for Fighting is one of those rock-alternative bands that manages to put out a few good songs every half-decade that make it to the top of North American charts. Their song Superman is obviously a testament to the character of the show/comic book and the sentiments and letdowns that are obviously associated with being a single individual with the power to save the world.

I wish that I could cry 
fall upon my knees
find a way to lie 
about a home I'll never see
It may sound absurd
but don't be naïve
even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed
but won't you concede 
even heroes have the right to dream
and it's not easy to be me

I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naïve
Men weren't meant to ride 
with clouds between their knees

I'm only a man
in a phony red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me

I'd first like to start off by saying that this song reminds me of the leaders of today's world (sometimes even celebrities and "stars") that are constantly worshipped and expected to heal the world of all of its problems while constantly upholding the expectation that they are untarnishable and artificially-perfect.

The first lines make me believe that said individual wishes they could be out of the spotlight for a while, so they can be human – cry, feel down and discouraged while considering that the world they are expected to fix may never be a reality (find a way to lie about a home I'll never see). They continue by pointing out that we are ridiculous for believing that these people are impenetrable – that they don't feel discouraged, that they can't make mistakes or be wrong – heroes have the right to bleed and that it's sometimes inexplicably difficult to be in their shoes "it's not easy to be me". Furthermore that "heroes have the right to dream" – that sometimes what we expect of them is far from what they wish to be doing, that perhaps, they wish to be more like us, living lives without the daunting expectations that society heavily weighs upon their shoulders.

The following verse which states that this hero hates flying, he's not naïve enough to believe he, as a human, is supposed to be "flying" and that men shouldn't be expected to be riding/"flying" with clouds between their knees implies that these everyday people aren't necessarily meant to stand out, be heroes or fix the world of all its problems. Perhaps they shouldn't be "flying" but rather be everyday people, doing ordinary things and not be in the constant spotlight with heavy expectations. This person isn't naïve enough to believe that he can fix the entire world with a few great ideas. That he alone, is not expected to achieve the impossible (riding with clouds between his knees).

The next verse "I'm only a man in a phony red sheet looking for special things inside of me" implies he's an average person, who from the outside and other people's perspectives looks like an extraordinary person, when really, in fact, he is simply trying to keep up with our expectations by searching for special qualities within himself that we expect him to possess and exemplify.

This song has touched me most in recent years and in the past few days because it reminds me of how we expect our presidents, world leaders, favorite celebrities to change the world for us while we sit back and relax. Given today's economic crisis look at the amount of pressure we place on presidential candidates to fix the problems, and then we have the nerve to go and judge their proposals when we, ourselves, make zero effort to make any changes.

 

Joan Osborne is not a singer I often listen to, I guess for obvious reasons. However, her song What if God Was One of Us speaks to me on a universal level and wins me over every time I hear it.

If god had a name, what would it be? 
And would you call it to his face 
if you were faced with Him in all His glory? 
What would you ask if you had just one question?

What if god was one of us, 
just a slob like one of us, 
just a stranger on the bus trying to make his way home?

If God had a face, what would it look like? 
And would you want to see 
if seeing meant that you would have to believe 
in things like heaven and in Jesus and the saints 
and all the prophets? 

Due to the nature of the song (the idea of God), this song speaks to me in so many different ways, primarily because I am SO unbelievably unsure about how I feel about god and the power he may possibly have over all of us.

I think so many of us are happy going through life without thinking about consequences, the afterlife, the potential influence we might have on the world while we're here and when we're gone. Furthermore, I think we are so conflicted, we believe that we are powerful yet powerless at the same time (we have the power to change the world, yet we're only one person and can one person really make all the difference?).

I think the idea that is presented in this song that is so interesting is that we ALL aren't sure how we think of god. Sure some of us believe he exists, while others scoff at the idea that there is guy pulling all the strings up there, or that miracles are created by some higher power… but in reality, none of us would know how to react in the face of his power, in front of him, or if we really understood the entire concept of a higher power, a god, an omniscient individual.

It's so easy to worship something, someone who isn't there, but is it just as easy when we know who he is, what he is truly capable of, what he looks like? What if he was one of us? What if he really was just another person, how would we even begin to treat the idea of a god then? Could we continue believing the way we did before? This notion, is so unbelievably powerful that it practically shook the core of my already unstable religious beliefs.

This also relates to my previous ideas about how we worship celebrities and today's heroes, expecting them to be people they may not realistically be, expecting them to do things we've assumed they are capable of doing when they may not be. We treat THEM like gods, but how would we treat god if he were like them? That is the fundamental question here and until I have an answer, I refuse to concede to a religious belief.

 

Tracy Chapman's "Fast Car" is practically a testament to the fact that life will never change. There will always be a monetary gap between the rich and the poor, that societies will never falter in their abilities to impoverish some while profiting the rest. Furthermore, Fast Car emphasizes the dreams and expectations each of us have and the ways in which we live up to them or spiral out of control.

You got a fast car, 
I wanna ticket to anywhere,
Maybe we can make a deal,
Maybe together we can get somewhere,
Any place is better, 
Startin' from zero, got nothin' to lose,
Maybe we'll make somethin',
Me myself I've got nothin' to prove.

You see, my old man's got a problem,
Lives with the bottle, that's the way it is
He says his body's too old for workin',
I say his body's too young to look like his,
My mama went off and left him,
Wanted more from life than he could give,
I said somebody's got to take care of him,
So I quit school and that's what I did.

So I remember when we were drivin',
Drivin' in your car,
Speeds so fast I felt like I was drunk,
City lights lay out before us,
And your arm felt nice wrapped round my shoulder,
And I, I had a feelin' that I belonged,
And I, I had a feelin' I could be someone,
Be someone, be someone.

I'd always hoped for better,
Thought maybe together, you and me'd find it,
I got no plans, I ain't goin' nowhere,
So take your fast car and keep on drivin'.

One of the biggest ideas in the first verse is the idea that perhaps in collaboration a change can be made, the idea that, in working together perhaps some things can get accomplished and move in a positive and more forward-going progression. The idea that as a lone individual it's just too hard "me myself I've got nothing to prove" but as a team, "maybe together we can get somewhere" because otherwise they're each starting from a zero-point with no hopes of attaining anything.

The next verse is simply a sad reality for too many people, a disheartening way of life, that although, unbeknownst to me and many of my friends, is a reality that all too many face. It's not the alcoholism or the dropping out of school to take care of a loved one that really gets me going in this verse – although those would be the notions that I, on my own, have yet to face. But rather the idea that the mother "wanted more from life than he could give". It relates back to the idea that we expect others to provide for us instead of going off and doing it ourselves, or even collaborating in order to achieve what would normally be impossible for us to do on our own. Interestingly, she quit him, up and left him because he couldn't offer her what she wanted, that's pretty much what we do to today's heroes, celebrities and politicians – when they don't live up to our expectations, we give up on them, saying that we were wrong for expecting them to be capable of anything, when in reality they were – they provided us with hope.

The last verse is interesting because the collaboration failed, so instead of moving forward on her own, or finding someone else to move on with, she gives up, faces the reality of her life and accepts all that it is, instead of hoping for more, remaining optimistic. Similar to the idea that I've described above – when others let us down, we are quick to let ourselves down too – we refuse to go on without others, instead we just give up on ourselves at the same time.

Now the third verse is important to me. Really important, it's the part of the song that really gets me going. Not only because it reminds me of all the fabulous moments I've spent with Aviva driving in our cars, doing crazy things, exemplifying friendship and creating the moments we're expected to cherish and most importantly, the way I feel in those moments. But it also relates to an old post I made in early-September entitled "Here's to the Moments" in which I listed an Eve 6 song that closely correlates.

But rather the event I described in that blogpost where I felt alive, excited, motivated because of the intense feelings I had about being in the car with friends, "speeds so fast I felt like I was drunk", with the "city lights laid out before us" I felt like we were capable of accomplishing anything, that the moment was spelled out perfectly for us for a reason, that it was meant to inspire us to do bigger, greater and more powerful things. Furthermore the feelings of being in a group, "feeling that I belonged", that I was important, "feeling that I could be someone" were clearly evident at the time and still are.

People always say high school and college are the best days of your life, but really it's not about the best days for me, it's about the moments, and often these special moments take place in my car for very much the same reason that Tracy Chapman describes – driving so fast that it feels like I'm drunk and the landscape of the city, laid out just for me to enjoy, to experience that makes the moments so real, so invigorating, that they are impossible to forget, because the feelings of euphoria, the high I associate with those moments are just too powerful to release from my memory.

 

LostProphets is a band I mistakenly stumbled upon a few years ago, I don't exactly remember the specifics of it, but the rock beat of Last Train Home has always provided me with a sense of inspiration, and the song is just so optimistic that naturally, it's blog-inclusion-worthy.

She told me that it's all a part of
The choices that you make, yeah
Even when you think you're right
You have to give to take

I wonder if you're listening
Picking up on the signals sent back from within
Sometimes it feels like
I don't really know what's going on
Time and time again it seems like
Everything is wrong in here

The first verse describes a situation in which your life is in your hands, that you hold the power over your own life and that you should take responsibility for your actions, an idea, I strongly believe in. Furthermore, the reality of life is described: that in living with other people, coinciding existences require that sacrifices be made, that compromises be made to uphold a balance in society. To me, these notions are somewhat paradoxical, in the ways that they should be. Our own best interests naturally conflict with those of other people, where to draw the line, at what point is giving in too much whereas what point is not giving in too little? This is a conflict I've always held internally, especially in my friendships. I am always so willing to give, reluctant to take back. The notion of finding a comfortable, even and fair balance is a notion that has eluded me for nineteen years.

The next verse describes a scenario in which we ignore our internal instincts, "signals sent back from within". We choose to ignore our own beliefs, morals and opinions in hopes of establishing a stable equilibrium with others, but is it really an equilibrium if it's something we can't come to terms with it internally? Very often this confounds us, leaving us unsure, more unstable than we would have otherwise been, "sometimes it feels like I don't really know what's going on". And forcing us to self-loath, to fear, to hate, to be confused, to be jaded, to be lost and incapable of returning: "time and time again it seems like everything is wrong in here", forcing us to try and scamper back to the previous settings and configurations, trying to maintain an equilibrium in our own lives before everything around us begins crashing, leaving us with absolutely no platform to grasp at.

So that's it for my song-to-life parallels. They leave me believing I'm both a pessimist and optimist at heart, that I have negative views of the way the world is going to turn out, negative views of human nature with just a twinge of hope and optimism that it will all turn out in spite of all our flaws. Furthermore I just want to point out that these aren't my favorite songs, but songs whose lyrics manage to speak to me, influence my thoughts and make me realize that life requires me to be active, I can't just be a passive bystander with tons of expectations and no drive or motivation to help myself. That to me is powerful enough to love these songs. It's also the way in which they are sung that impacts me: I tend to love songs with optimistic beats, songs that seem as if the artists/singer/band truly believe their words and bellow them from the center-fold of their hearts and souls. These are the songs that shake the core of my being, inspire me to be a better person and force me to examine and evaluate my own influence in the world for I believe everyone deserves to have a few of these songs in their lives.