How Do I Measure a Year in the Life

I assumed I'd be a better blogger this week due to the insane amounts of free time I'd have, but instead I've actually been pretty busy.. which is nice in some ways and not so good in others. Keeping busy usually means my mind is off its one track and allows me to be a pretty normal person. That's obviously the good... the bad though is that I'm keeping busy with family, and it's always a false sense of security because the second shoe is always about to drop an explosive bomb when it comes to my family. There's always, without fail, some major blow out about eating - food, dinner, where, when and time. There's always a fight about who sleeping arrangements - with who, what bed, in which house. There's always an argument about someone' decision - should the 8 month old baby go or not go to the Dominican Republic because of the non-purified water. Everything turns into a fight and everyone has to give an opinion or get completely involved. It's absolutely mindboggling. So no kidding I'm not thinking about my own shtick, I've got 24 other people's shtick all up in my face.

And being who I am... everyone else comes before me. Everyone else's problems are more worthy than my own. Everyone else's drama must come before mine. That way... I can distract myself from my own drama, my own BS, my own problems... by focusing on theirs. It's a great strategy I've used for years now. Unfortunately though, it doesn't exactly come with great benefit to me. It doesn't in any way help in the long run.

Lately I've been thinking about RENT. Unlike 50% of the American population, I'm not worried about how to pay it, how to make it, or how to even get a place to rent. I'm talking about the play/movie and the one song that always made me really THINK. That song, naturally, being "Seasons of Love". Namely the lyric "how do you measure a year in the life?" There's always been something in that question that's seemed so powerful, so inspiring, so thought-provoking...I've never taken the time to figure it out but that's pretty much my Pre-New Years Goal. I want to measure my last year. Especially Jan-August in comparison to September-December, I know that there's an uneven balance in that, but that's when my life changed and seemingly went downhill with slight upturns, so I need to figure out how to improve on it. More importantly, I ~WANT~ to improve on it. Especially since Psych Warden asked me to make a list of things I want to improve and work on for the next little bit in the Ward. So hard.

I've officially got:

Anyways, I'll get on with that. In the meantime I found this video and thought it was pretty amazing, powerful and thought-provoking. ENJOY.