I'm officially OLD.
Lately I've been catching my self using phrases like "high school friend" or "cegep friend" or even "elementary school friend" or worse "childhood friend" sometimes I even catch myself saying "I've known you for HOOWWWW long now?"... I mean really! I'm 19 years old. For no reason should I be feeling elderly. Next I'll be getting hip replacements, rocking out at my granddaughter's bat mitzvah with a cane or walker. That's how fast time is flying for me... and this has nothing to do with a "best years of your life" mentality... it's just time's been trenching on slowly, and somehow it's gone quite quick in an ironic way. I never thought I'd miss cetain people's presences, and now that I don't see them daily, it's just not the same. The familiarity of dragging myself into those high school halls, throwing my bag into my locker, slumping against the floor or stumbling around looking for a fairly interesting conversation that doesn't constitute lack of sleep, hunger-needs and inability to complete homework... I didn't appreciate those mornings nearly enough. Now... I walk into class, say hi to a friend or two, chit chat about exhaustion and how I'd much rather be catching flies or watching grass grow then be in that particular class, then the teacher arrives and I lose control over my brain. That's not exactly an exciting morning, now is it? Either way I've been getting that I'm getting old vibe, and I really am not fond of it.
The Cavendish Mall Fair
Now... I bet your wondering how this is even relevant to my life seeing as how I'm now 19 years old and certainly do not go to the fair anymore... Well... Maybe, THAT is my point. No... not really, it isn't actuaaaaaally! Alright my point is that I'm getting old :P I can now easily say that I remember defining moments of my childhood which brings me to the fair. I honestly remember being about 12 years old, end of grade 6, the fair came to Cavendish Mall like it always did in June and me being super excited because I loved all the devilish rides, the Kamikaze especially, that bottomless pit feeling in your stomach as your feet suddenly catapult over your head, there's very few feelings like that in the world. Or the Gravitron, where you were literally spinning so fast that gravity sucked you up against the wall and made you feel numb - every movement tooking extreme amounts of energy... those moments to me were just undeniably important. Anyways my childhood is just one of those things that I always reflect on with a bit of remorse... always wishing it had been different but still loving certain little aspects of it that I'd never change for the world... and that's what those bright lights at the fair against a dark black night's sky-like canvas do to me... they make me think, and god knows how good I am at doing that.
Strawberry, Blueberry, Raspberry, Blackberry - All Things Berry
Sooo... I finally got the BlackBerry Curve after harassing my mother for the past 6 months (I seriously needed a constant internet connection like Michael Jackson needs another nose job). No really... it was all about the QWERTY keyboard that got my knickers all in a twist, plus the facebook, email, BBIM features that really made my heart skip several beats.. Anyways, it's funny, I thought back to an old PostSecret (that despite my best efforts I cant seem to relocate) that said something along the lines of: "I got a new phone but still no one calls me" and it got me to thinking about how true it is. I remember the first night I got my Berry... all I wanted was for it to ring with a call, vibrate with a text, anything so that I could relish my accomplishment... but it just didn't happen... or at least not anymore frequently than my old, boring, unexciting phone did, and it depressed me... I oh so badly wanted to suddenly be as popular as Paris Hilton. (No... I really didn't aspire to be Paris Hilton). Either way, I love my Berry.. but I just wish I had more friends :P
Hanging by Seven Years, Here With You
Alright... Weird title I know, but it makes sense, Je te promis. The story is that seven years ago my mom got her first car with a cd player.. Now I know that seems like craziness but it's actually true, they haven't been in cars for all that long. Either way, naturally, she bought her first cd. At the time, the one song my music-repulsant mother liked was Ricky Martin's She Bangs (embarassing... I know!)... well either way the rest of the cd looked pretty decent and over the next few months me and my dad fell in love with many of the songs. I even remember driving to plattsburgh for the day with my dad singing along to the cd. It truly is the best cd, even to this day the songs are my favorite of all time which leads me to the title. This was the cd that contained the song that changed my life forever. Lifehouse's Hanging By a Moment was a track on this decliciously random cd full of wonderful alternative rock hits that rocked my world. Now... most people change their favorite songs as often as their underwear. Take Em's blog for example :P. Not that that's a bad thing, but this song has consistently been my favorite song for the past SEVEN years. Now that's dedication and love.
The lyrics are just incredible. Truly, poetic in their own right.
Desperate for changing, starving for truth, I'm closer to where I started, chasing after you.
I'm falling even more in love with you, letting go of all I've held onto, I'm standing here until you make me move, I'm falling even more in love with you.
Forgetting all I'm lacking, completely incomplete, I'll take your invitation, you take all of me.
I'm living for the only thing I know, I'm running and not quite sure where to go, and I don't know what I'm diving into, just hanging by a moment here with you.
There's nothing else to lose, nothing else to find, there's nothing in this world, that could change my mind, there's nothing else.
Now if those aren't lyrics of a saint then I dont know what lyrics are. Either way, at any given point in my life at least one, or all of those verses described an emotion I felt, something I was going through or just full-out spoke to me in a God talks to Moses through the burning bush kind of awe-inspiring, gut wrenching, heart-throbbing, pain-inflicting, flame-building, kind of way. Either way Lifehouse has changed my life... and I'm forever indebted to them for giving me the words to the feelings I didn't know I even had.
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